


Welcome to the Asylum

by hernamewasalice



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: 404 Ben Solo Not Found, Alternate Universe - Horror, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Police, Alternate Universe - Serial Killers, Arkham Asylum, Batman - Freeform, Crimes & Criminals, F/M, Harley Quinn - Freeform, Horror, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Joker (DCU) and Harleen Quinzel, Joker - Freeform, Modern Era, Mystery, Older Man/Younger Woman, Police, Psychological Horror, Rey is a bad cop, Stalking, Thriller, a star wars au of a batman au, pyschopath
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:21:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22316227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hernamewasalice/pseuds/hernamewasalice
Summary: The Commissioner really shouldn't have assigned a rookie with a case like this.(Formerly Known as "Mad Love")/(a reylo au of Joker/Harley Quinn)
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 40
Kudos: 92





	1. Carousel

**Author's Note:**

> An old work that I figured to bring back from the dead and finish. Formally known as "Mad Love."  
> This fic has been edited and I intend on actually finishing this damn thing since I outlined the whole plotline when originally making this. There will be changes to this story with more in depth chapters/altered plot points since I've grown as a writer.  
> THIS FIC WILL BE DARKER than what was initially posted. And more fucked up.
> 
> Enjoy.

It was dark. Cold. Gloomy. It was everything but quiet. There's screaming and laughing and sounds of pain happening all at once. There were no metal bars for cells but instead thick metal rooms that were canny to butchery rooms.

Rey was perplexed and slightly terrified. She had never seen anything like this before.

"Hey rookie, hurry up!" Officer Trin shouted.

"I'm coming!" she said immediately, quickening her pace.

Officer Trin sneered as he wiped the tip of his mustache. "You graduated top of your class and yet you're clueless. It's like you were born yesterday" he sneered. Trin was a lanky man with black hair and dark eyes. He was Asian but he was ambiguous. She felt that he was either Vietnamese or a mix of Korean too but she was to embarrassed to ask. He was unapologetic and insensitive due to his many years of service.

She frowned but held down her tongue. Instead she tightened her ponytail and fixed her uniform as she followed him. She was new. She had a lot to learn. Short tempered as he was, she knew that he was right. He was giving her tough love. He doesn't want her to drown. In the academy, she was a natural but here, out in the real world, she was lost. Rey exhaled and furrowed her eyebrows. She shouldn't be nervous.

This was an asylum.

She wasn't going to work here.

She would be working in the police station on the opposite side of town.

"This is a miserable place," she mumbled out loud. It was more miserable than prison. The people here were mentally ill - some knew what they are doing while most don't.

Officer Trin turned and looked at her. "You don't even know the half of it," his voice was faint. "I was a guard here long ago."

Rey nodded at him in sympathy.

"It's gotten worse here, the patients. They're getting smarter. Stronger. You wouldn't last a day working here, Freckles." He became smug.

Rey scolded him and scrunched up her nose. She was stronger than she looked and could easily take him down but she doesn't. He was higher rank than her. He had more experience than her. She exhaled and muttered to herself, reminding herself that she will work her way up to gain some respect. Commissioner Skywalker had recruited her and yet no one took her seriously.

It wasn't because she was a woman that was for sure. There were plenty of women in the police force. They didn't take her seriously because of her appearance, her scrawny and slender frame.

No matter what she did, she couldn't gain weight or muscles. Her body was naturally slim.

She was small, the runt of the litter. She was underweight, mainly bone than anything. Everyone, literally everyone tells her that she's too pretty to be working in such a dangerous field. She's been also told her whole life that she should have gone into modeling with her height and bone structure. She was very feminine, something she was aware of. Modeling agents actually reached out to her for as long as she could remember too for this reason. Her cheeks were a natural pink color and her eyes were large and doll like. She had long eyelashes and prominent jawline and collarbones. It wasn't just her appearance that made the police force not take her seriously, she was also new to this city. She didn't grow up here. She was born and raised in Jakku City and attended the police academy there as well. She was foreign here, disadvantaged.

"Well get used to this, Freckles. Throughout your service, you will be here from time to time for different cases."

"I'm quite aware," she said dryly, keeping herself contained.

"The tour is not over yet, I haven't shown you the quarantined area."

"We're still walking, I didn't think we were done to begin with," she snapped. She wanted to tell him off, to make it well known that she wasn't dense and also for him to stop calling her Freckles. She doesn't understand why there had to be nicknames. Why can't they call her by her name?

Trin ignored her and navigated her to the area that high profiled and dangerous patients were kept. It worse here, chaotic. She sees nurses and guards going in and out in distress and hears patients banging their heads and fists against the soft walls that covered the metal rooms. What disturbed Rey the most was how clean the place was. So spotless - how it smelled of bleach and dried bloody gauze. The halls felt so long, like a trap. She knows why though. In case any patient escaped, they would have to go through the maze of the halls of the asylum.

She doesn't see any of the patients but hearing them from their cells in enough for her to know that they are dangerous. A threat to society. Most were muttering gibberish and screams while others were saying explicit things about her. Rey shivered. She hated feeling vulnerable in her body. She was all covered up, flat and all but she looked to be an easy target for them.

"As bad as they are, they aren't bad as him," he sighed.

Rey raised her eyebrow in interest. He didn't sound annoyed. He sounded sad. Her heart skipped a beat in sympathy. "Who's him?"

Trin stopped in place and blinked. "Ben Solo."

Rey shrugged quietly.

"You don't know who he is?" Trin looked at her as if she was lying. How could she not know who Ben Solo was? Everyone in the world knew about him.

"No," she raised her eyebrow again.

"Don't you know what happened five years ago?" he asked in shock. "You must be messing with me, Rookie. There's no way you don't with social media being a thing for years."

"No," she responded quietly again. She feels embarrassed, naive. Her whole life was in Jakku city. All she knew was Jakku. "What happened?"

"He's Commissioner Skywalker's nephew."

Her eyes flickered. Commissioner Skywalker had a nephew?

"Ben was lieutenant in our police force. He was a great leader. He was about to be promoted until he had a mental breakdown." Trin paused and stared at the ceiling. His eyes lowered as he frowned. Rey's skin tightened. Trin must have been close to this Ben. "He joined the Knights of Ren -

"Ren?" Rey emphasized, gasping slightly. "As in Kylo Ren?" The leader of the Knights of Ren?

Trin nodded. "That's his affiliation name."

"I have heard of him." She remembers hearing about him, how he broke out everyone in prison and the asylum and led a massacre. She remembers it - hearing about how many lives were lost. She remembers seeing the images of dead tortured bodies lined up in the burning city. It was gruesome, the most horrific massacre.

Trin shook his head in sadness. "He killed anyone that came in contact to him that day - public figures, colleagues, strangers, everyone. He even killed the people he freed - he even killed his own father He's kept in isolation here, away from everyone. He's kept in the underground level."

"I thought the government killed them."

Trin exhaled and ran his fingers through his hair. "They're trying to. You have no idea, much they are. It's been a long case because the whole debate of the humanity thing."

"How long has he been here? In the asylum I mean," Rey clarified. She was aware of the procedure of it all. It's been five years but she knows that he was passed around from cell to cell to mental intuition to another.

"A few months," Trin answered.

She nodded. "I see. What made him break down?" She knew very well that the reason why new officers were given the tour of the asylum was to scare them into being the best officers. This was working. She was barely looking at Trin. She was looking all around, unable to ignore the voices calling out for her.

Trin shrugged and rubbed the temples of his cheeks. "No one knows. I knew him for years too - he was such a nice guy. We were great friends - there was no sign of depression or anything - he just went mad."

Rey raised her eyebrow in disbelief. Everyone gets sad. "Maybe he was depressed when no one was around," she suggested.

He shrugged in doubt. "Depressed about what? He had a family who loved him and there's no mental or health records of him being unstable. He had friends as well and he graduated top of his class, was a high rank and was going to be promoted until he broke down. It was out nowhere. He broke down the day before the promotion party and just went around town shooting people."

She swallowed hard.

"Commissioner Skywalker is trying to rehabilitate him," he added weakly.

Rey frowned. She couldn't help but to feel sad over the whole situation. It was tragic to know that someone as loved and respected lost himself through most likely depression. "Do you think it's possible to save Ben?"

He shook his head. "Ben's too far gone. He's been Kylo Ren for five years now. There's no way that he's ever going to be let out. He's going to be locked up for the rest of his life if he's lucky." Trin cleared his throat and then gestured her to walk faster. "Don't worry," he didn't hide his smirk. His expression changed back to confident and smug. "There's no way they'll assign you to do anything here. We're done with the tour. Let's go back to the station."

Rey nodded and followed, unaware of a pair of dark eyes looking at her through the cracks.


	2. Baby I'm a Sociopath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as a reminder rebuilding this fic. 85 percent of it is the same just added depth <3

_Baby, I'm a sociopath,_  
_Sweet serial killer._  
_On the warpath,_  
_'Cause I love you just a little too much._

_\- Serial Killer by Lana Del Rey_

* * *

Rey still thinks about the tour of the asylum from time to time.

It was months ago but she felt as if it was yesterday. She can still feel herself in the halls being called out by the patients. She never felt so weak in her life. Being defenseless was her biggest fear and being new in this city didn't help. She was the fresh meat. It didn't help that all she was assigned to was mindless paper work and occasionally tagging along with low level cases.

Rey understands the process. She knows she has to build her way up but first she had to prove herself to her colleagues.

This wasn't going to be easy. She's not exactly liked here. Her colleagues think she's a waste of space and constantly tell her that she should have been a secretary. Rey ignores them. Ignores every snide comment that her colleagues make about her. She was so much stronger than she looked and didn't need to prove herself. She was here for a reason.

Commissioner Skywalker has hope in her and that's something. It means everything to her. The only person who believed in her was herself and him. Not even her boyfriend was supportive about her career.

"Hey Rookie!" Trin called out her.

Rey instantly looked up at him. She was surrounded by stacks of mindless paperwork. "Yeah?" she tried not to sound eager. "What's going on?"

Trin gestured her to follow her. He's not that bad, she thinks. He will never admit it but he was looking out for her. He already knows how much of a hard time the police force was giving her. He doesn't want to add any more fire to the flames. "Get in," he said as hopped into the police car.

"What's going on?" she tries to hide her excitement.

"God you're a kid," he rolled his eyes.

Rey smiled back. "You big old softie." Trin was like the father she never had. She imagined if she ever did have one, he would be rough around the edges but soft in the center.

Trin ignores her statement. "It's nothing much. We just need to ask a couple questions to Ben. Commissioner Skywalker believes that Ben's still able to communicate with the Knights of Ren."

"How can that be? He's still in the asylum."

"Yes but he isn't like the other patients. He knows the ins and outs of this place."

"But he's locked up."

Trin became annoyed. "We're here on an order so stop asking questions," he grumbled. He turned up the radio and then turned it off. "Anyways Officer Finn caught one of the members, Hux from a shooting a few nights ago. Hux informed Finn that he was following orders and received the floor plans from Ben. Whatever you do don't underestimate him."

"So why am I being assigned to this? Isn't this something that should be assigned to by someone with more years of experience and that's higher ranking than me?"

"Whatever Commissioner Skywalker says is law here."

* * *

She was about to go inside the room but Trin stops her. "Stay here," he ordered.

"Why?" her eyes narrowed.

"Don't ask me why. I already told you," he grumbled.

Rey bit her tongue, suppressing her temper. Everyone was holding her back from learning - trying. It was infuriating. She wanted to scream.

"I hear a woman's voice," she hears him say - Ben. He said it in such a low voice, such a calming manner. Playful almost.

Trin pushed Rey back as he went in, closing the door behind.

* * *

Trin froze at the sight of his once colleague and friend. Ben was wrapped in bindings, unable to move his arms. He looked paler, with unruly hair and dark circles around his eyes. Ben looked ill, emaciated. In this light, Trin could see the outline of Ben's bones poking through. He was sitting on the ground, looking up at Trin as if he was a stranger. Trin kept his distance. Does Ben remember him? Or was Ben trying to manipulate him?

Kylo looked up at him without any expression. "I hear a woman's voice. Is she here to play with me?" he asked.

"That's a ridiculous question and you know it," Trin mumbled.

Kylo laughed to himself. "Ah what a wonderful uncle Commissioner Skywalker is!" he exclaimed like a little excited boy on Christmas. "I've been begging him to bring her to me to play with and she's finally here. Tell him thank you for me, won't you Trin?"

Trin ignored Kylo's statement. "I have a few questions to ask you," he said sternly, remaining on the subject.

Kylo smirked at him then. "I want to see her," he said, letting out a smile. He exhaled and closed his eyes. Trin observed the whole ordeal. Kylo was concentrated on something, focused. "I hear her breathing. She sounds so small. It's been such a long time that I've touched a woman," he lets out a small moan. "Why won't you let me see her Trin?" he asks, with one eye open then.

"For obvious reasons, Ben. I don't trust you."

His eyes shot open in interest. "Interesting. And why is that?"

Trin doesn't answer.

"She's new isn't she?" he smirked, licking his lips. "I like those, they're very easy to manipulate."

Instinctively Trin reached for his gun.

"You shouldn't worry though," Kylo says, sensing his thoughts. "As long as she's kept out, she'll be protected. But in return you are preventing her from growing. And what kind of leader will that make you be? I don't think Commissioner Skywalker would be happy about that. That's why you've been stuck in the same rank for all these years, all you do is run people to the ground. You'll never be a leader."

"Your uncle is out of his mind for assigning an officer with no experience to a high level case like this," Trin growled.

Kylo laughed, showing his teeth. "How do you think I end up like this?"

"What are you talking about Solo?"

"Skywalker loves to make people go mad. After all he's the King Joker himself."

* * *

Rey paced around frantically outside of the cell. She was about to jump out of her skin. It's been over an hour and Trin hasn't gotten out yet. She should go inside and check up on things but she was under Trin's orders to stay outside. Rey mumbled. She started to tap her foot, mentally counting.

_One. Two. Three._

Trin's not out.

_Four. Five. Six._

She hears screaming.

Immediately she went inside the cell. She stood still, trying to process what was before her.

There was screaming but it was screams of amused laughter.

Trin was violently beating Kylo with a baton but Kylo remained unfazed and laughed even though his eye and chin were blackening. Kylo was laughing sadistically. "You have to do better than that," Kylo said out loud, taunting his old friend. His laughter stopped the second he sensed Rey's presence. He examined her in silence as Trin beat him senselessly. Kylo doesn't even feel the pain, his attention is all on her. He's staring at her up and down, inch by inch. As if she was livestock. He purposely licked his bloody lips, catching her attention.

Rey stiffened.

Kylo winked at her then.

Kylo was quiet but Trin didn't notice. Trin didn't piece the evidence that Rey was standing here.

"What are you doing? What's going on?" Rey yelled at Trinh.

Trin stopped himself and glared at her. "I told you to stay outside!" he said defensively.

"Okay the last thing we need is a report about police brutality!" she shot back.

"Get the fuck out!" Trin shouted. "The bastard has this coming-

Kylo swiped his leg and knocked him down. Swiftly Kylo stood up and broke free from his bonds.

This all happened so fast.

Before she could react he has her pressed to the wall. "What's your name honey?" he asked, breathing on to her skin. His gaze was all over her, imagining what she looked liked if she wasn't covered up. He touched her cheek and she shivered from the touch of his cold fingers.

She shoved him away from him. "Get off of me," she said through gritted teeth.

He laughed. "I would have to be on you first honey before I can do that." He went forward and threw her down to the floor. He climbed on top of her and pinned her by the wrists. He was strong and something told her that he was letting Trin beat him. He wanted to amuse himself by offering the dog a bone. "Are you sure you want me off of you?" he asked sadistically, his voice breaking. He sounded so much of an animal. "Frankly I really like this pose." Kylo leaned towards her, pressing his cheek onto hers. He inhaled her scent and let out a satisfied moan. "You smell so good," he purred, tightening his grip on her. "Aw don't think you can easily break away from my grasp." He moved his head and ghosted towards her lips.

Rey gritted her teeth at the sight of his finger moving towards her mouth.

He let out a cold laugh. He was amused. "Feisty," he taunted in a low voice. "Ah ah. No, open up," he grabbed her shaking head. He clutched her chin and flashed her a dark smile.

"Get your hands off of me," she growled. She kicked him but he feels no pain.

"Aw you want to get out? All you have to do is call me pudding," he whispered to her, his hands moving back to her wrists. He dipped his head closer to her, his dark hair covering half his face. "What's that?" he grinned even more. "You're not saying it. Something tells me you want me too."

Her eyes narrowed and she let out a stubborn scream. She kicked and tried to break out but his hands were on hers, marking into her, bruising her.

"I've been waiting for you," Kylo smiled.

Trin reacted quickly and pulled Kylo off of her. Rey immediately bounced back and reached for her cuffs.

Kylo laughed. "That's the best the police force can do? She's not even trained to defend herself. I'm even holding back. She's defenseless. And such a shame too, such a pretty thing she is. She going to get raped before you know it."

Something in Rey snapped. She slammed his face to the wall hard as she tightened the cuffs. "Don't underestimate me," she growled back.

He chuckled. "I didn't say I did," he answered back, smiling at her in endearment. He was unaffected. "And I wasn't going to say I would either." He has his hands behind his back now but he manages to gently grasp a finger with his. "You know I can teach you," he whispered. He turned his head slightly to her and gave her a gentle look. He looks at her lovingly for a brief moment. It was just a moment but it made her hesitate.

There was warmth in his eyes.

Rey blinked but shook it off and shoved him to his bed. "Don't ever touch me," she warned.

He laughed again. "There's no need for me to touch you. Pretty soon you will be the one that wants to touch me."

Rey stiffened slightly. There was something about the way he said it, almost an omen.

Kylo's smile faded but his focus is on her and it's unwavering. "You'll give yourself to me," he whispered. "I just know you will."

She froze as she felt her skin crawl. There was something terrifying about seeing him speak to her so normally. His voice was so deep when he wasn't trying to scare people. In that tone it sounded as if there was merit to his statement.

"Go outside _now_ ," Trin yelled at her. "You already caused enough trouble."

Rey wanted to scold him for talking to her like that in front of a prisoner but she doesn't. She knows better than the strength of her temper.

"Rey," Kylo calls out to her, almost humming.

She went pale and turned to him. "How did you - oh," she finished her thought. Her name tag - he managed to read her name tag.

"Visit me honey." He lifts her badge in the air, displaying it for her.

Rey instinctively touched her chest. It was gone. Her badge was gone and it was in his hand. When did? When did he snatch it? She became startled then, her cheeks became a deep shade of red.

"I'm going to keep this for something to remember you by."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rey is a bad cop and it shows


	3. Ghost of You

  
_So I drown it out like I always do_   
_Dancing through our house with the ghost of you_   
_And I chase it down, with this shot of truth_   
_Dancing through our house with the ghost of you_

_\- Ghost of You by 5SOS_

* * *

There are visible marks on her wrists. Red and violet claw marks bruise on to her milky skin. Trin feels like shit. Honestly does. She's trying not to show that she's shaken up about it, being manhandled by Kylo Ren. It was Trin's fault too. If he didn't let his temper get the best of him and fall for Kylo's games, this wouldn't have happened. He tends to her first. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm good, just a scratch that's all," she assured.

Trin sighed in relief. At least she was fine but there was no way they could report this to the asylum. If the asylum found out that Trin attacked a mentally ill patient, his life will be over. He was sick with himself. Trin was against senseless violence but Kylo Ren has a way with getting underneath your skin. "I don't know what came over me," he admitted. "I should have known he was playing with my mind."

"It's alright," she repeated. "No one has to know."

He wants to say sorry but his pride doesn't let him. Instead he's consumed with anger over the whole situation. He attacked a patient and consequently, his coworker got hurt. "I told you stay outside." He reminds her for the fifth time during the car ride back to the station. He sounds so much of a parent scorning a disobedient child.

"I thought you were in danger," she answered calmly.

"Well you were mistaken. I ended up saving your ass, Freckles."

"Yeah, you're right," she says calmly. _But barely_ , she wanted to say. She doesn't though for she knows that he's trying to process what had happened. She knows that Trin was going to drink his guilt away later tonight. She doesn't want a fight. That was the last thing she needed. "Let's talk about something else," she offered. She was over the whole thing and wanted him to be too.

Trin bit his lip and thought about the topics that they can talk about during their ride back to the station. All he could think about was the way Rey touched her chest when she realized Ben had taken her badge. She was stunned and looked so helpless. "He's quite smitten with you," he said then. He kept his focus on the road. He doesn't have to look at her to know that she's blushing. "I never seen him act lie that before."

"He's crazy. You know that," she attempts to brush it off.

"But I've never seen him act like that before."

Rey looked up at Trin. His tone was different, almost of fondness. He wasn't talking about Kylo, he was talking about Ben. She watches as Trin's eyes sadden at the realization. She wonders more of the type of person Ben was. Trin must have been his wingman back in the good old days. Trin was obviously older than her that was for sure but examining him, he must be near Ben's age but a few years older. Trin must be forty or so and she can see him also being an older brother to Ben too.

"He never harassed any females before," his tone changes. "He was showing affection to you. He was flirting with you in his own jacked up way."

"Jeez I must be special," she sighed. Deep inside she was disturbed. She touched her chest, where her badge should be. He was so quick that she didn't even feel him snatch it. He groped her technically and it made her insides curl. Kylo looked at her as if she was his property. He was an animal, attempting to mark his territory. "Did he give you any information?"

"No. There's no evidence of him breaking out either or any captured footage."

"Maybe his followers were throwing the police force off."

"If that's true then why?"

* * *

After work she goes to visit her boyfriend. She had been with her boyfriend for three years now. They were in love ever since he was first stationed to the city. She eagerly ran to him and kissed him. "I missed you so much." She meant it. She meant every word. She hadn't seen him in months. They were long distanced, his work took him away from her for months at a time.

Poe chuckled and petted her hair. "I missed you - what happened to your wrists?" his face fell. Her wrists were bruised and there was evidence of scratch marks.

She shook it off. "It's nothing. It's just from work." She painted a smile on her face and began to change the subject. She doesn't want to talk about it. She doesn't want to relive being attacked by a man that could have easily have his way with her. It was frightening because for a moment she believed he could.

Poe lifted her wrist and kissed all the bruises as fast as he could. "I don't want to see you get hurt."

She pulled her hand away and tugged on his sleeve. "You get hurt all the time, you don't hear me complaining."

"That's different. It's -

"Me? I'm no different than the women in your work. They get hurt too."

It gets quiet all to fast.

"They're different. They're not my girlfriend," he clarified.

A handful were, she wanted to say. There was so many things that she wanted to say. "I'm not a damsel, Poe. I can protect myself."

"I didn't say you were - what's wrong babe? What happened today?"

"Nothing." She couldn't tell him. He was already nervous about her being in the police as it is. He wouldn't exactly be happy to know that a killer basically groped her and topped her.

He raised his eyebrow. He sees right through the façade. "It doesn't sound like nothing."

"It's been a few months and I'm not being treated seriously that's all." That part was true.

"I'm thankful that you're safe and sound." He wraps his arms around her then, showering her with kisses.

"Do you love me?" she asks. She couldn't help but to sound like a child but she needs the confirmation. She needs it after today. She still feels Kylo's touch all over her. It feels like a sunburn, stinging all over.

"Of course I do," Poe says matter of factly.

Rey doesn't react the way she wants to. He wishes he could put more effort into it like he used to. "How much?"

Poe pulled away and frowned. He knew what she was leading in to. "Rey we're not going to have the talk tonight," he said firmly. "I just got back home."

Rey's heart dropped. "We've been together for three years -

"I'm not ready for that type of commitment yet. Besides you're still young. You're not even twenty four yet. At your age I wasn't concerned with wanting to get married."

"Poe-

"Rey," he interrupted. She knows what she's going to say. He's older now, twelve years older than her but he wasn't ready. "Let's talk about it tomorrow. I don't want us to fight tonight. I missed you."

She nodded. The last thing she needed was a fight. All she wanted was comfort and to be curled up in his arms. "I missed you too."

* * *

In the middle of the night, she escapes the warmth of his bed and goes to the gym. She punches all her anger out onto to the punching bag, punching and hitting despite the fact her knuckles were going raw. Her teeth is grit and her stance is solid. She's infuriated from work and her boyfriend. It's nothing but her being forced to hold her tongue and do what she's told. She's tired of it. She wants more than that. She wants to be taken seriously - to be heard.

After two hours with the punching bag she works on weight lifting and then on the treadmill. She sets it to the fastest speed and ignored every sign of her body tiring out.

She hates work. She hates the way things are with her boyfriend. She hates being forced to hold herself down. She has a voice and she wants to use it. Rey ran even faster, keeping up her pace. She's not weak. She may be thin but she's not useless. Today was a slip up. Other days Rey could take down people ten times her weight and height.

 _I can teach you,_ she hears his voice.

Kylo's.

_I can teach you._

"Shut up," she mumbled. She still feels him, his touch all over her. She feels violated. He took a part of her and so easily too. She ran faster as fast as she could. She just wants to forget today. She doesn't know why she's so upset about it. It wasn't like he full on groped her breasts but he did pin her wrists and touch her mouth. He was capable of doing so much more.

_You'll give yourself me._

She doesn't ever want that to be true.

* * *

"One of Ben's psychiatrist committed suicide this morning," Commissioner Skywalker announced to the force the following month.

Everyone became quiet. Rey fumbled with her fingers. Just as she was finally forgetting what happened, Ben found a way to come back in. His presence is everywhere. He was a ghost and he haunted their quarters. He was never going to leave. There was no exorcism strong enough.

"Does anyone know why?" Paige Tico asked.

Commissioner Skywalker became pale. He nodded and kept a straight face. "It was mentioned in his suicide letter that Ben encouraged him to do so."

"This happened before," Trin said shaking his head.

"Before?" Rey whispered.

"Six times," a couple of workers said in unison.

"Yeah," Trin sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "But most quit. He's never had a psychiatrist for more than two months."

"Rey," Commissioner Skywalker called out for her.

"Yes?" her voice is of a mouse. Everyone's eyes were on her but not of disdain but of hope. They looked at her as if she was some messiah, some savior. Their expressions confuse her and left her feeling inadequate. She was not worthy of that look.

"Can I speak to you in private?"

She blinked but nodded.

* * *

Rey waits for the office door to close before speaking. "What is it?"

"Ben has been mentioning you from time to time. He's quite fond of you. Is there anything I should know or be concerned about?"

Her hands curled into fists nervously. "No."

"Good," Luke smiled. "Then you'll be assigned to this assignment then."

Her heart skipped a beat. "What assignment?"

"Nothing serious. Just twice a week you will visit him and talk to him."

"Why?" she blurted. She didn't like the idea at all.

Commissioner Skywalker remained patient with her.

"I'm not a therapist. You should find someone who's trained for that." She wasn't wrong. This sounded entirely unethical and also illegal. This could literally bring the police force under fire.

"Your safety is our main priority." Skywalker could read her thoughts on her face. She was so emotionally open. She doesn't even need to speak. "We will arrange the meetings so you won't be alone. Guards will check up on you periodically. Ben's assigned to nothing but the best therapists but nothing's working," Luke remained leveled. "It's been years and he's not getting better. He's not opening up to anyone. The doctors and therapists are not getting through to him. I want to try a different approach, a less formal approach. He needs someone to talk to, someone he's fond of. Maybe then it'll bring back some humanity back to him."

She opened her mouth but stopped herself. It was so rare for her to be assigned to missions that she doesn't say anything. She's reluctant about this assignment but she rather do this than to continue filling out paperwork. "Fine. For how long?"

"Six months."

Rey slumped in the chair. She feels it then - Ben's touch all over her. She doesn't want that. She was about to deny Skywalker's proposition until she sees something. Her eyes locked on to the picture on Commissioner Skywalker's desk. It's a picture of Skywalker and Ben. They're in their uniforms and Ben's hair was tamed and slicked back, face clean shaven, and he wore glasses. They're smiling in the picture - he looked so at peace. He looked so gentle and his eyes were warm. He looked so much of a boy scout. Her heart skipped a beat again. She sees now why Skywalker was still fighting for him.

"Six months," he repeated. "He has six months left."

"Left?" She realized then that she was holding the picture. Skywalker didn't seem to mind.

Luke frowned. "If he doesn't improve within the six months, he's going to be killed."

"Kil-led?" she stammered. "Why?"

"It's not my doing. It's the city's policy with severe criminals. He has committed so many crimes and there's many families that want him dead for what he's done. Since he's been in the asylum, he manipulated several workers to killing themselves and attacked several workers as well."

"But he's not well -

"I know that but it's orders. If he doesn't show any improvement he's going to die."

"Why are you asking me? Why are you putting this pressure on me?"

"Because you remind me so much of him and who he used to be."

She was still holding on to the photo. She stared at Skywalker and then at the photo again. Ben's eyes were warm brown with a wide smile to match. Her skin tightened. She remembered the moment when she cuffed him and he looked at her. There was warmth in his gaze. Ben is still there in Kylo, deep down. Ben was Skywalker's nephew, a beloved officer. "I'll help him."

"He will turn."

* * *

Rey goes to the asylum the next day. She spent the whole night mentally preparing herself. She expected the worse but not this. To her horror she finds Kylo in his cell masturbating. It takes her about five seconds to process it. His dick is really big and long. It's massive and she's amazed with how much work there had to be done for a man with large hands to cover that amount of territory.

He doesn't stop or even try to hide it. Instead he turned himself to face her, his face all tensed as he tried to make himself come. She turned away immediately, covering the side of her face. She thinks about informing the asylum workers but she's not really sure if this is sexual harassment or not. She was the one that walked in on him but he should be aware that she was coming.

"It's not like you've never seen it before - or have you?" his breathing is uneven. He's really into it.

She shuddered as she heard the sounds of his hands moving up his shaft. His hands are large and making a slapping noise. "That's none of your business." She and Poe were in a relationship and she seen him done it before but this was different. She wanted to see Poe get off. She didn't want to see Kylo do this. She wants to tell him to stop but doesn't. She rather have him satisfied instead of being pent up and all over her again.

"I'm almost done," he moaned. "Or do you want to help me finish?"

Rey could feel him smirk. "No," she makes it clear.

"I know you do. I know you want to put your pretty little mouth on my cock. It's just your size, nice and big for you to choke on." Rey felt her legs tremble at the thought. She could tell he was thinking about it too. Seconds passed and she heard a squirting sound followed by a low moan.

She counts to twenty before speaking.

"Are you done yet?" she asked groggily. Her throat suddenly went dry. The sound of it was something she had never heard before. She's gotten her boyfriend off a million times but never heard a cock make such thick gushing sound. Then again, he probably hasn't had sex for a while so it makes sense.

"Yeah," he yawned lazily. "Do you want some pudding?"

"No." She knew what he was insinuating. She blushed. By the sound of what she heard, his come must have been really a cream consistency too.

She waits another couple of seconds before turning. He's wiping his hands into the napkin that was provided on his food tray. He hadn't even touched your food. "You should eat," she commented.

"I don't feel like eating," he shrugged.

"Why not?"

"I don't like to eat."

"That's nonsense. Everyone likes to eat."

He smirked and tossed the napkin on the ground. She's unable to turn away at it. The napkin is completely soaked in his come. His come is thick and on the floor the napkin was leaking, still leaving a puddle. "Next time let's eat together," he chirped, catching her gaze at the napkin. "Maybe we can eat at the same time too."

Rey ignored him and sat in the chair. He sat across from her on the ground. "I assume you were informed about the circumstances," she kept herself calm and collected. She doesn't want to be hostile towards him. The last thing they needed was to clash again.

"Fully. I was hoping you would dress up for me for our play date." He was trying to get her riled up and it was working. She hates that it's working but she can't control her emotions. She was so emotionally open and he loves it.

"This is not a play date."

He rolled his eyes. "Call it whatever you want. It doesn't make a difference."

Rey ignored him. "I only have one rule for you. Don't touch me," she bit out every word. But deep inside she does want him to touch her - not for sexual reasons but out of anger. She wants a reason to hurt him - to kick him and use her taser and beat him down with her baton. "I won't hold back if you do."

He raised his hands in the air mockingly. "I won't touch you."

She grimaced. She can see some come in between his fingers, its thick. She can smell it too, it smells like seawater.

"You finally came to visit me honey," he flashes her a lopsidded smile. "I was beginning to wonder if you liked me or not."

She rolled her eyes. "You killed your psychiatrist," she changed the subject.

He shrugged. "I'm not responsible for his actions."

"You broke him -

"I only say words. Words don't mean anything unless the person makes it into something. That's rule number one that elementary teachers tell you when someone bullies you."

"Doesn't make it right. You killed him -

"Did I?" he asked, feigning innocence. "Did I point a gun to him or have a knife at his throat?"

She became silent.

"No I didn't. I was here in this cell. The only person to blame is himself."

"Who are you?" she breathed. She was amazed and disgusted how heartless he was.

"I'm Kylo."

She can feel her ears ringing. He says this so simply. Without any hesitation. "No," she began firmly. "You are Ben."

His face creased in annoyance. "No, he's dead." He sounded so much of a stubborn child that wanted to go by a nickname instead of his real name.

"No, he's here. You're here." She sees it, the picture of years ago of Ben, with his warm brown eyes.

"He's dead. He killed himself years ago."

"But no one's to blame," she said, speaking in his language.

He shook his head and his gaze softened at her. She listened to him and she sees him relaxing. Rey frowned, her lashes hitting her cheeks. He looked so lost and yet mesmerized by how delicate she was. "No," he said lowly. "And no one's to blame."

"No one's to blame," she whispered back. "Are you happy that he's gone?"

"Yes." Ben quiets down once he notices her expression stiffen. She looks so much of his mother, disappointed and still holding on to the past. He gets up to clean his hands and sits right back. "Does this make me any better?"


	4. The Games We Play

The police force and the asylum do everything they can to ensure Rey's safety. They give her a walkie talkie. There's also the emergency button on the wall. Every half hour someone will page her, asking if she's alright and every hour a guard will walk inside to check up on them. Weeks passed and she's used to it, talking to him. She's not exactly comfortable with him but he was somewhat polite with her. He hadn't attacked her at all.

"How do you stand it? Being in the same room with him?" Officer Finn asked.

"I already told you. It's not like they throw me into a lion pit without a key or anything -

"Yes but it's Ben. He's not well."

She studied Finn's thoughts that were written all over his face. Finn was blessed to have the chance to have gotten to know Ben. He's reacting the way Trin does. She wanted that but she's never going to. "I don't think he was ever well."

* * *

Rey doesn't talk much about herself but Kylo's able to pull bits and pieces of her life through conversations. It's painfully slow to gather the information but he knows the process. He has to gain her trust. Tedious as it may be, Kylo enjoys it. He enjoys the chase. It gives him such delight to watch her gradually change - like metal underneath a burning fire. First strong then gradually bending and turning due to heat and by the end, it takes a new form. It'll bend. It'll turn.

She's becoming comfortable around him - just not yet.

But she will get there.

She will be in a new form once he was done with her.

"I want you in my bed," Kylo says to her. He knows what he's doing. Bold statements always caught people's attention and for that brief moment she speaks something from her guarded mind.

"You only want me because I'm close to your reach."

He smirked. Hard Headed girl. "Other women are also close but I want you."

"You want me because I'm close to your age."

"You're younger," he states. Kylo was thirty four and she was twenty four or so. "There's plenty of nurses that are my age. You're younger. Smaller. I can take care of you."

She scoffed and crossed her arms. She's a confident little thing. Kylo suppressed a smile. She doesn't know how much over her head she is. "You can't take care of me. You're locked away from society. Confined in a cell," she said cruelly. The way she presents herself to the world is a goddamn lie. He knows her for what she truly is, a weak and vulnerable girl.

His lips twitched along with his cock in arousal from her voice. He likes the way she uses words when she's riled up. There's fire in her. Darkness. But it's all locked away. "You will be mine," he states the future to her. "You will want me. You will want me to fuck you and you'll _beg_ for it."

She trembled then but her stubbornness keeps her there. "Keep talking," she says mockingly. "I like to hear stories."

Kylo bit his lip. He needs to destroy her stubbornness but he doesn't know how to yet. "Every night I think about you. You're the thought that I think when I need to relieve myself." He's not lying. He never does when it comes to his lust towards her.

She still has that glare on her face.

Stubborn girl. He can tell that she will like being choked for fun.

"I dream of unbuttoning your uniform. I imagine taking each layer off bit by bit, savoring every moment until I get to see your body. You're always shaking when my hand finally comes to contact with you in every thought."

"You'll never have me. I'll never fall so simply."

"I know. That makes it fun." They remain seated across from each other but he's aching to get closer. She's his, he keeps thinking. She's his since he first laid eyes on her. But he rather have a willing lover than a thing. There was so much satisfaction in having a willing partner instead of chained up pet.

"What was your thought before me?"

"Pictures that I remembered. But it's not as satisfying as a real person." He wants to grab her face again and cup it but he doesn't. He knows the key to winning this game is to go through every level, every little back space and pause. King Joker had taught him well. "And tell me officer, why you allow me to not be bound during our sessions?"

"I'm not afraid of you," she says, giving him eye contact. "Besides I believe in order for you to be better, you have to be treated like a human being instead of the monster people treat you to be."

He hesitated. He didn't expect her to say that. There was kindness in her tone. "What do you expect to come out from that?" he shot back.

"A form of trust between you and me," her eyes are big and glossy. He sees a thin opening of her vulnerability through the small window she was giving him. "But if you try to attack me, you break that trust."

She's so set on healing him that he doesn't have the heart to tell her that it was a fool's game. "King Joker has taught you well," he says instead. "But did he teach yet how to win?"

* * *

"Are you married?" he asks her during the next session.

"Why do you think that?"

Kylo frowned. She never gives him an answer. "Because for the past sessions, from time to time when you're nervous you rub your finger where the wedding ring should be." He knows very well that some women especially in the police department choose not to wear their rings in fear of breaking them. 

"I don't do that."

He laughs at the sight of her innocent face scrunching up. "You do."

"Why do you want to know?"

"We're dating. I'm entitled to know."

Rey doesn't bother to correct him. He's just saying that to get her all worked up but a part of her wonders if he actually does believe it. She figures then to throw the dog a bone. "If you must know, no." It's not a big deal, she reminded herself. She's only twenty-three soon to be twenty four.

Kylo's smirk stretched out then. "Are you dating someone?"

"No comment," she says. She doesn't want to give out any other personal information.

"So it's just me? You're loyal to me?"

"No comment."

"I promise you when the times right, I'll get you a ring."

She laughs then. "That's a ridiculous thing to say."

"Yes but you want it. I can see it in the way you present yourself. I can see it in your eyes. You want your boyfriend to commit to you."

Rey froze.

"But he won't," he said in coaxing voice. He tilted his head at her. "Am I right?" He's a great mind reader from all the games he's played.

She sat up straight and kept a poker face. "We're not here to talk about me. We're here to talk about you."

"It's puzzling how he doesn't want to commit to a beautiful loyal woman."

"Is that how you see me?" she doesn't falter. She remains tough. Her face doesn't break at all but she wants to, he knows. She wants to break but her pride doesn't let her. That strength will break one day.

"Yes." She's beautiful underneath that facade. Her hair is up but it's meant to be down and her delicate frame is meant to be flaunted instead of hidden. She should be naked and on all four for him. "You're a loyal woman even though he doesn't treat you right. You stay even though he treats you like shit."

"You don't know anything about him or my personal life," she's unchanged.

"Yes but I know you."

"I doubt it."

He smirked at her. "You're not the only one that's been studying the other."

* * *

Kylo waits for one o'clock at night. He's sitting up on his bed, wrapped in bindings. He hums to himself, hums down the seconds.

Three. Two.

One.

He gets on his feet and shimmies himself from the bindings. He's been in them for so long that he knows his way out. Kylo stretches his arms and lets out a moan. He goes to the door and picks at it.

It's a locked door with a code but he's knows his ins and outs from his years of service.

It goes like clockwork every night.

He picks the locks with parts of the binding wrapped around his fingers so there would be no trace of his fingerprints. He disables the cameras, knows every blind spot. And he pays a careful eye at every guard.

He studies everyone in the asylum. He knows when they come to check up on him and when they are on their breaks. And he knows what compartments to store his things.

Kylo knows.

He's making his way up to the upper floors. As he does so he politely greets the other inmates.

His belongings are scattered all around the asylum. Under floor boards and in vents of other rooms and other floors. He pulls onto a new of clothes - a janitor's uniform and a hat. He tucks his hair underneath the hat and turns back the cameras. He pulls his bag from one of the tile floors and walks away without any hesitation.

Kylo does this all in a few minutes.

He makes his way out and heads off to the city to see his Knights of Ren.

* * *

"Sir why do you stay there?" one of his followers asked.

Kylo gave his followers a crooked smile.

"You escape without trying and yet you always go back - why?"

They were all puzzled why their leader wanted to be in the asylum.

"Because it's easier. They no longer hunt me down or try to kill me because they think I'm trapped. The police are off guard. They're blind," he hums.

His followers nodded. They understood. It was safer for him and easier for the Knights of Ren to function. Him being locked up ensured their safety. The police think that the Knights of Ren are powerless without their leader.

Kylo then hands them a sheet of paper. It was floor plans to the bank with red markings, his markings.

"They've changed the security system but I marked it down. The codes are on the bottom," he says. "Go there tonight." He tosses them new weapons, weapons that he modified during his free time

"Will you accompany us?" Hux asks.

Kylo shook his head. "Not tonight. I have other arrangements tonight."

Hux frowned. "And what is that?"

"I'm looking for someone to help me lead the Knights of Ren."

Hux smirked. He could see right through Ren. "You don't have to be formal with us. You're looking for a pet."

Kylo smiled back. "I have one in mind, I just need to hunt her down."

"Hunt?" Hux mused.

He nodded. "Yes. She's a wild untamed thing. I need to domesticate her. I'll get her a pretty collar too."

* * *

Kylo goes to the station while the others were away. The asylum was easy while the police station, it was a piece of cake. He knows how to replicate keys and scan cards. He goes to search for her file - _Rey's_ documents and finds it within minutes. He looks through it with care as if it was a life or death matter.

No criminal record.

Not even a traffic ticket.

None whatsoever.

Kylo tilted his head in boredom. A dull thing really. She was lucky that she was a doll face.

"Originally from Jakku City," he says out loud himself. That was something interesting. There wasn't a lot of officers that come from the city. Jakku was almost as bad as this city, almost. "Abandoned at five and was found wandering in the streets - huh," his eyes lowered. He didn't know that - he didn't know that she had a string of foster parents - jumping back and forth from home to home. "Huh," he said lowly. The only thing that was somewhat of a record was that she used to get into a lot of fights in high school and was sent to juvenile hall a couple of times. That didn't really count to him. It wasn't a crime, it was just child's play. "Graduated top of her class. Huh."

Kylo always said huh whenever something caught his eye. Graduated the top of the class, Ben did too. Ben would have adored her.

He finds her address within the next few pages before getting too sidetracked. Before he leaves the station, he makes a copy of her folder and cleans up the evidence.

Kylo goes to her home but to his dismay she wasn't there.

It doesn't matter though - his intentions were to gather information about her, nothing else. He wanted to play with her though even if it was for a bit.

He explores her apartment, keeping the lights off. He's absorbed with the photographs on her desk. There's about twenty photos, photos of her with childhood friends and beloved teachers. He craves to see her in anything else besides her uniform and seeing pictures of her in nice blouses was a treat. His eyes caught to the majority of the photos of her and a man.

Her boyfriend, he knew. It doesn't make it any better that the man was good looking.

There was a tiny pocket sized photo that wasn't in a frame. It was a photo booth photo of Rey and her boyfriend. One strip was a smiling one, the second was a funny face, and the last was a kissing photo. Kylo's jaw clenched up and crumples it. He doesn't like seeing it but he grabs it regardless and storms off back to the underground hideout.

"Hux," Kylo called out for him.

"What is it?" Hux pulled away from training the new recruits.

Kylo pulled out the photo strip and tore it in half violently. He hands Hux the torn up photo of Rey's boyfriend. "Find out who he is," he growled. "Find out his name."

Hux smirked. It was amusing to see Kylo be enraged over a photo. "Are you afraid of a little competition?"

"None whatsoever," he relaxes then. He keeps an indifferent face. Kylo doesn't want to show any weakness. "I just want to make this game a little bit more interesting."


	5. Off to the Races

"Where do you go when you're not working?" Kylo asks during the next visit.

"Why do you need to know?" she raised her eyebrow at him.

His face creased slightly but he refrained himself by swallowing. "Because I want to," he responded sharply.

She waits for him to add a crude remark or a little snide comment but he doesn't. This surprises her. There's a stern expression on his face, his teeth caught in a clench. Somehow not having him do his banter terrified her. She was aware of how close he was to reach her. Rey crosses her arms then, attempting to cover herself. He was very territorial of her. She's thankful that he's locked up so he wouldn't be able to hurt anyone. "What do you do outside your cell?" he asks.

"I think being here is affecting your memory," she tells him cautiously.

"No. It's not. You're in a cell too," he smirked at her then. He changes his attitude quickly, sensing her discomfort. "There's walls in the cubicle that they put you in. The same cubicle that they make you stay for the majority of your hours to fill out meaningless paperwork."

Rey remained calm. She knew what he was trying to do. He was trying to turn the tables on her, making her contemplate about her loyalties to the police force. "Why do you enjoy hurting people?" she asks, turning the tables.

He lets out a laugh. "I don't enjoy it."

"You're smiling as we speak," she countered.

"Because I'm blessed with your presence."

"Do you enjoy my company?" she asks then. She plays with fire. She always does.

"I do," Kylo responds. He laid on the ground then while she was sitting in her chair still. "Very much so," he says lightly, blowing a loose strand of hair from his face. He smiles softly at her and he can tell that this pleases her even though she'll never admit it. She likes his attention.

"What if I go away? Will you like that?"

Kylo frowned then. He looked at her. "Are you?"

"Does it matter? You've been trying to get rid of me since the moment you saw me."

"You're very naive, Officer. I'm only asserting my dominance. Once you understand where your place is, I will treat you kindly."

"I'm not your pet."

He smirked again. "Yes you are." He paused and something in his mind switched gears. Ben wants to know more things about her. So he allows Ben to come in. "This cubicle - where is the cubicle exactly?"

Rey blinked. His whole manner changed once again. She can barely recognize his voice. He was talking to her in an investigative tone. Patient and straightforward. "Why do you want to know?" she asked. She stares at him. There's no lopsided smile - no smirk - just a tranquil expression on his face.

"Muscle memory really. I want to see if I can still picture the police station or not," he explained. He talks about it logistically.

Her skin tightened. It stings her whenever he brings up his past. He speaks of it as if it's nothing. "I'll let you guess," she said dryly. She doesn't know why he's asking but she decides to humor him. She doesn't know what he's doing right now.

"Are you next to that tall plant?"

"No."

"Are you facing the windows?"

She shakes her head. She watches him in amusement as he bit his lip in hard concentration. He's trying to picture everything mentally. There was something about the way his face creased when he was thinking. It reminded her that he was once a wonderful detective.

"Away from the windows?"

"No."

"Are you away from the other cubicles?"

"Yes."

"Do you have a desk?" All of his questions are clipped. To the point. Precise. It was like having a conversation with a ghost. Ben's gone and yet he's still here.

"Yes."

His eyes lit up then. "Is it isolated?"

"Yes."

"Do you enjoy seeing me?" he shifts the subject. And just like that the detective in him was gone.

"No."

"You're lying. I entertain you the way you entertain me. You're bored in the cell you're in."

Rey ignored his comment. "To answer your first question, I read. I work out. I spend time with friends. Are you satisfied?"

He rolled his eyes. "No. The same way you're not satisfied with how I keep my personal life private. If you want to know more about me, you have to let me get to know you. Don't give me generic answers. Give me you."

* * *

It disturbs her of the person he used to be.

He used to be so kind and brave. He gave it all up for reasons that will never justify his actions. Naturally since Rey was attached to this case, she did her research on him. She researches him a few times a week outside of their visits.

Heavy research. Deep investigation.

Sometimes she'll bring it home instead of relaxing.

Rey had nothing better to do outside of work. Her boyfriend was away from work and her friends had different schedules than her. Most people before going to sleep will spend hours on social media or watching videos in bed but she doesn't do that. She spends her time googling up whatever she can find about Ben Solo.

Researching Ben Solo kept her motivated with the case. The person Kylo was - was tragic. This person - this person was loved and adored. Ben was close to his family, his colleagues, and to the citizens. On his spare time he helped raise money for charities and volunteered for multiple causes.

But at the same time, researching him pained her.

Rey was fine with reading articles about him, to do interviews and ask questions to people who knew him, but when she had to watch the captured footage and video recordings of him, it pulled at her heart. It hurt her because watching videos of him made him real - made Ben real. To see the videos that Commissioner Skywalker give her caused an emotional toll on her because those videos were personal, family videos.

The videos Commissioner Skywalker gave her weren't business ones, they were personal ones.

Videos of Ben giving his speech at his graduation, videos of the police station surprising him every year on his birthday, videos of Ben at family get together - those videos affected her. Ben was a good public speaker despite being clearly timid and awkward. There was something about it, to see a giant man be so gentle.

He looked so happy in those videos, genuinely happy. The ones that were hard to watch were the birthday videos. All the officers are hovering him with balloons and a Costco cake and all and he's standing there in awe and bright eyes with that wide smile of his as they put a birthday hat on him and give him hugs. It was strange to see those videos of him blushing when he noticed they were recording it - to see him turn away and cover his face bashfully. To see him get shy and nervous cause a stir in her. She found it endearing and was fond to see him like that. He was cute if she had be honest, maybe even adorable.

It doesn't even feel like that's Kylo.

The second videos that were also hard to watch were captured footage of Ben Solo in action. It was like she was in a parallel universe seeing him chase down criminals and take them down in the videos but he was a great officer and a great leader. She was always absorbed into those videos, watching Ben lead and put everyone else above him. Sure she had heard stories about him since day one but it was a different thing watching it because it made him real. He's so big and strong. His muscles ripple from every little movement. He was everything that people described him to be. Maybe even better.

And it always broke her heart to know that he's gone.

That she'll never get to meet him and she'll never have a chance to talk to him.

Rey knows that he's not completely gone. She knows that he's in Kylo deep inside but he's broken. Fragmented. Even if he did come back he wouldn't be the same person. Even if he did come back, things can never be the same. People wouldn't look at him the same way as they did before and all the crimes he committed couldn't be erased.

And in that sense, he's dead.

Just like what Kylo said.

She puts on another video to keep her distracted from that thought. She puts on one of the surprise birthday videos. Watching those videos makes her smile, it makes her forget just for a moment. Rey paused the video the second she sees him smile. She touches the screen then, touches his cheek. He looks so happy - so peaceful and innocent. Her eyes lowered.

She'll never get to see Kylo smile like that.

She was about to push play until she noticed something - the desks.

The desks and cubicles were in a different arrangement but there was something about his desk - it had the same jagged scratch mark -

Rey went pale.

She was assigned to Ben's desk.

* * *

"Did you know that I had your desk?" she asked him the next visit.

Kylo rolled to his side on his bed and looked at her with hazy eyes. "Yes," he said clearly, suppressing a laugh.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she exclaimed. It frustrates her how unaffected he is.

He crookedly smiled then. "I didn't think it mattered but it appears that I'm mistaken."

"Of course it matters!" she yelled. "It's bad luck. It's like an omen -

Kylo sat up. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well I'm trying not to be disrespectful," honestly Rey wasn't. "But...a lot of things happened to you."

"I'm aware but they're not bad things."

"Do you regret it?"

"Regret what?"

"Killing him."

"Who?" he asked defensively. He knew exactly who she was talking about. " I kill a lot of people, Rey."

She winced at the sound of her name escaping his mouth. Those words shouldn't have come out of his mouth: I kill a lot of people. She stood there in place. "Ben," she murmured. She exhaled and became quiet, waiting for him to respond.

"No," he said without a second thought. "I don't."

"Do you still consider his accomplishments yours?"

Kylo blinked. He studied her, she was trembling slightly. He got up and went to her. He aches to touch her, to fondle her. "No. Those accomplishments are rightfully his. I will never take that away from him. The same my accomplishments are mine."

"When did you start existing?"

"I was always there, under his grasp. And just one day I overpowered him. He's locked away now with no way to get out." He touches her hair then, his hand slowly snaking around her waist. She doesn't even notice and he's completely aware that she doesn't. He's learned how to hold someone without hurting them. "He's gone, Rey. The quicker everyone accepts that, the better."

"I can still feel him," she breathed. "He's not gone. He's still there."

Kylo's skin tightened from the hopefulness in her worlds. "I can tell you all that you want to know about him if you want," he offered earnestly. He shifts back and swallows hard. "He would have loved you," he said quietly.

Rey winced. There's sincerity in his voice, the sound of longing. And want. It only makes her want to cry. "That's not important. The only thing I need to know is what made you into this."

He opened his mouth but paused once he sees her realize she was in his hold. "We all want things we can't have," he whispered to her then, lulling her to stay in his hands. She shakes her head and shrugs him off. She always does that but for some reason this moment infuriated him. "But I can take whatever I want." Kylo slammed her down to the floor and pinned her down. She struggled to push him off of her but he coaxes her with strategic words, temporary sedating her defensive nature. "You're just like me. You're so reserved but soon you'll break free."

"I'll never be like you," she said through gritted teeth.

Kylo coldly laughed. "You're exactly like me," he hissed. "Even Skywalker sees the same potential in you as he did with me. He wants you to break the same way as I did."

Rey pretended to struggle to distract him as she pressed her walkie talkie. "What do you want from me?" she moved her hand away from the walkie talkie. It was enough for the guards to rush in.

"Everything. And in return I'll do anything for you."

Her eyes widened in shock. "What are you talking about?"

"Let me have you. I'll be by your side," his words mirrored verses of a vow. "I'll protect you. I'll be loyal and give you whatever you desire. I'll give you a pretty ring with pretty diamonds. I'll go home to you every night. I'll play house with you. We'll have a family."

"I don't want that." Blood is pumping to her cheeks. His words mirrored more of a proposal. He was asking for her hand. He sounded so sweet, so pure but she knew better. He found her weakness, her want for a family. She forced herself to shake her head. "I don't." It hurts to even lie to him about it. That's all she ever wanted, a family.

Kylo leaned closer and left a breath of distance from her mouth. "Yes you do," he whispered firmly.

"Not with you," her voice was low. But not repulsed.

"Then why are you letting me be on you like this?"

Guards came in then. They grabbed him both by the arm and pulled him away from her. Kylo kicked and screamed out of anger as he watched in horror as she walked out of the cell. "Come back here!" he screamed.

* * *

"I don't want to this anymore," she said to Commissioner Skywalker the second she arrived back to the station. She doesn't care that she left the session early. She doesn't give a damn anymore. "I'm not a professional." I'm becoming emotionally attached, she wanted to say. "Nothing's getting through to him." He's beginning to get underneath my skin, she wanted to say.

Luke frowned. "It's only one bad day, Rey. Don't get too discouraged."

"I rather fill out paperwork than deal with this," she spat out. She has to think of her own well being.

"Don't decide on anything right away. Take a few days off before giving me an answer."

Rey exhaled but nodded. As much as she hated to admit, Luke was right. She needed a day or two to take deep breaths before making a decision like this "Alright sir -

Rey paused and noticed something in his office. There were board games above his book shelf. She blinked several times. She never noticed that before. Were they always there?

"What's wrong Rey?" Luke's voice went low. "You look pale."

"Nothing - I'm fine," she assured. "It's just I didn't know you play board games."

He chuckled softly. "Everyone loves games."

* * *

Kylo waits for her during their next session but she doesn't show up. He asks for her and gets an answer he didn't want to hear.

"When will she come back?" he snapped at one of the guards. Like a child he was, he's throwing his food at the walls.

"Don't know. But she has a right to have a day off after your last stunt," the guard responded without batting an eyelash.

Instead of picking a fight, he became quiet and waits.

He waits for the night.

Kylo waits when he's able to leave. He escapes like he always does but instead of going to the hideout, he goes into her house. It's dark and she's fast asleep, curled in her bed. He stands there by her bed still for a moment, taking in the sight. She looks beautiful. He lays beside her, pulling the sheets over his body as well. He likes the warmth of her sheets - the scents of her. He puts his flashlight on the ground but keeps the light on so he's able to see her face. Kylo wraps his arms around her and pulls her close to his body.

He's careful, making sure he doesn't wake her.

His eyes lowered. She looks so defenseless, innocent. He holds her firmly but his hands were running wild. His hand was running through her loose hair while the other was rubbing circles into her back. She's not wearing a bra and he wants to cup those perky breasts that were pebbling against him. He won't. She won't like that. She's heavily sedated from the sleeping pills she takes from time to time. If he wanted he could have his way with her but there was something about rape that left a bitter taste in his mouth. She wouldn't like if he did that and that was the last thing Ben and him wanted to do.

"I wonder," Kylo began, saying out loud. "I wonder how you will react if you see me like this." He pressed his face into hers and shut his eyes tight. "Will it please you? Or disgust you?" He shuts his eyes even tighter. He likes this feeling - her soft face against his sharp features. He likes feeling her breath against his skin. It tickles him, warms his cold heart.

He holds her even tighter, stroking her bare arms. She's more delicate than he had imagined. Her skin is smooth and soft - he kisses her forehead gently. She hugs him back then. He stared down at her but to his dismay, she's asleep. Whatever she does know at this state doesn't even matter. She's not awake. She's not doing things she would want to do awake.

But still he savors it, savors her touch.

Kylo wants more but he doesn't go any further. He rather do things when she's awake, under her permission. He would rather wait so he could see her reactions as he touched her.

He buries himself into her and shuts his eyes again, trying to make this real. The bed is tiny. He barely fits here but he belongs here. This was the place he should be. Kylo stays like this for two hours and once it was time for him to leave, he lays her on her back. He pulls the sheets over her body and leaned to whisper in her ear. "I have to go honey. I'll visit you soon. Be a good girl and visit me okay? Be my little harley."

* * *

"Where have you've been?" Hux asked. "You're late."

"I had other things to attend to first."

Hux rolled his eyes. "You were at her house again weren't you?"

"You sound surprised."


	6. Golden

_Take me back to the light_   
_I know you were way too bright for me_   
_I'm hopeless, broken_   
_So you wait for me in the sky_   
_Browns my skin just right_   
_You're so golden_   
_I'm out of my head_   
_And I know that you're scared_   
_Because hearts get broken_

_-_ Golden by Harry Styles

* * *

Rey decides to stay with the case.

She concludes to this after taking a few days off for herself. As much as she hated to admit, the case was keeping her busy and kept her preoccupied from thinking about her status at work and her on and off again relationship. She loves her boyfriend and she knows he loves her but she wants him to commit to her. She wants to know that he's not going to leave in the future - that all the things they went through wasn't a waste.

It's hard to say when he's away and has a record of straying.

He cheated on her once before, but that was two years ago. It was meaningless he always tells her. He hasn't cheated her since and has remained faithful but she wants proof. She wants him to want to commit to her but like all things, nothing was ever black and white.

Valentine's Day was approaching.

Poe will still work that day but knowing him, he'll make up for it when he gets back like he always does. It doesn't bother her at all, until Kylo brings up the subject. "What are your plans for Valentine's Day?" he asks.

They're in his cell as always, but today she had requested the guards to bound him as punishment for the last session. This will only be for one day and after that she'll have him boundless. They're sitting on his bed, several inches from each other. The nurse had brought in a small TV today. On some days, when he was exhibiting good behavior, they bring in a TV for a bit.

She stared at the screen, at the light it was projecting. It was a stark contrast to the room, almost mesmerizing. "Nothing," she responded simply. "I'm working."

Kylo tilted his head at her, his hair falling to his face. The television screen was reflecting colors onto his skin. For once there's some color to him. Some saturation. "Skywalker didn't give you a day off?"

She shook her head. "I didn't ask for one. It's not really a big deal. It's just an ordinary day. Valentine's Day is just a marketing holiday really." Technically Poe was supposed to come home today but he was called in for a couple of more days. She pursed her lips as she sees light hit his eyes. His dark eyes are suddenly amber, golden.

"You have a boyfriend though. Aren't you going to do anything special?"

"He's working that day." She tries to pull her gaze from eyes but she couldn't. His eyes are striking in the light, revealing a glimpse of once was of this man. Golden. Shining. Warm.

"He's always working," he said condescendingly. There's still a brightness to his stare, a rippling fire. If he wasn't bounded he would have grabbed her right now but she wasn't sure if he would pin her down or hold her. "When was the last time you saw him?"

Rey thought for a moment. She curls her hands into fists. He's harmless right now and yet she was scared. "I don't remember but it's understandable. Our careers are time consuming. Anyways how are you -

"When do you guys see each other?" Kylo's persistent. Relentless as ever. He won't let her change the subject. She can tell that Ben must have been the same, a one tracked mind.

"Every two to three months."

"Don't you want someone you can always see?" his eyes lower. His long lashes hit his sharp cheeks. He's really beautiful if he allows himself to be. And has been. He's been keeping up with his appearance lately. Kept hair. Shaven face.

"Yes but things don't always work that way."

"Then how do you expect a marriage to work between you and him?" he presents her a question that's she's been asking herself for a while. "Who will you go to when he's not around? Who will be there for the children that you plan to have? How do you know he won't stray."

"Loyalty," she breathed, pursing her lips close together. He's hovering closer to her, she presses her lips tight. "Faithfulness."

"But is he faithful to you?" he whispered. He pulls away from her and for once she's the one that's left speechless.

* * *

Valentine's Day approaches before she knows it. Today she's stuck filling out paperwork in the station. It's not as bad. It's a slow day regardless. Even the lowest of crooks have a heart to dedicate a day to their lovers. It was sweet and kind of funny to see the other officers at their desks secretly texting their loved ones and attempting to hide their smiles. It was a nice feeling to be around to. Very calming. Uplifting.

But Poe didn't text her at all today and it's already two in the afternoon. She supposes he's busy and that he'll call her up later tonight. It's nothing, just petty feelings. She shouldn't let those emotions overrule her rationality but it's hard not to today. She sees everyone so in love while she was left feeling underappreciated. She hates herself for being so invested in a relationship. She doesn't want her life to be defined by one.

Rey focuses into the paperwork, carefully reading the fine print and all until she hears stumbling.

"Delivery for Rey Rey," Officer Finn announced out in the open.

She looked up and saw Officer Finn carrying a huge vase of long stemmed red roses and Officer Trin was right beside him, carrying a giant sized teddy bear. The teddy bear was his size and Trin was tall. Rey raised her eyebrow in shock.

"What's all this?"

"Come rookie, don't you know what day it is?" Trin asked.

Rey rolled her eyes but couldn't help but to smile and be giddy. They placed the items on her desk. "Your boyfriend really loves you," Trin added. Rey looked around and saw the secretary delivering the rest of the bouquets of flowers and balloons to the other female officers.

She leaned and smelled the roses. She tries not to be eager but she couldn't help it. He hadn't done such a gesture like this in a long time. Not since they first started dating. The roses smelled sweet. "Yes. Yes he does."

"He must of spent a fortune!" Finn added.

Rey's cheeks went red. "I should call him and thank him -

Rey trailed off until she noticed there was a little note attached to the roses:

_Thinking of you always Rey.  
Can't wait to see you soon._

_Love Mr. J_

Rey blinked.

"What's wrong?" one of the officers asked.

"My boyfriend didn't send this to me," she frowned. She was more upset that it wasn't from Poe instead of being disturbed that a random stranger sent her a bouquet.

Trin raised his eyebrow. "What -

All the officers hovered and read the little note. "Who's Mr. J?"

Rey shrugged. "I don't know. I don't know a Mr. J. My boyfriend's initials are P. D. Maybe the florist made a mistake -

"You're name's on it and it was delivered here," Finn reminded her. "It's definitely for you. You're the only Rey in the station."

Trin rubbed his chin. "Mr. J. That sounds familiar." Trin's eyes went wide. "Kylo. It's from Kylo."

Rey immediately shook her head. "No it can't be. His initials are K.R."

"Rey, he also goes by Joker," the secretary added, swallowing hard. "Mr. J. Mr. Joker."

"I don't believe it. He can't even send flowers. He's locked up. That son of a bitch found a loophole."

"But he's also the Commissioner's nephew," Finn reminded. "Maybe he requested to send some to you and Commissioner Skywalker got them for him."

* * *

She decides to drop by the asylum after work. She wanted to give Kylo a piece of her mind. This has to stop. He can't be sending flowers to her. He can't be going on top of her and attempting to make advances.

It's late at night but she doesn't care.

She wasn't going to sleep unless she gave him a couple words.

She finds him in his cell, sitting on the floor with crossed legs. He was meditating. "You," she called out through gritted teeth and a shaking breath. She was so angry, so disturbed at how persistent he was.

"Yes?" he asks, his eyes still closed. "I know you love seeing me but this has to stop," he mocked. "It's not even our next session. Today is your gap days before seeing me remember. You have to understand boundaries."

She ignored him. "Did you send me flowers today?"

"No." There was a smile on his face. Mocking her.

"You're lying," she shouted. She grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and slammed him to the wall.

He flashed her his crooked teeth and let out a moan. "I like it when you get rough with me."

"Did you send me flowers today?"

"No. I sent you flowers and a bear."

Rey rolled her eyes. "Why did you send - how -

"I requested Skywalker and under today's circumstances, he did so." Commissioner Skywalker was wrapped around Kylo's finger. They both knew that. Commissioner Skywalker would do anything to save his nephew's soul. She hates how much Kylo toys with his uncle's emotions. "And do I need a reason? Today is self explanatory."

"You and me are nothing."

"We're everything," he laughs. He tilts his head at her and keeps his eyes on her. "You're my fire and I'm gasoline. Together we'll kill everything in our path. If we're nothing then why are getting so riled up? Why does everything I do upset you? You're mad at me when I'm wicked and you're mad when I'm tamed. Nothing I do pleases you."

Rey didn't respond for there was truth to his statement.

All the emotions on his face melted away. "What do you want from me?"

She doesn't answer. To be honest, she doesn't know.

"Tell me," he pleads. He sounds so desperate. "Tell me what you want."

She watches his lips tremble. Feelings of despair and insignificance wash over his face. He was a little boy that was so in love with her to a point it was hurting him. Her heart was beating. She's not sure if she's afraid or wanted him too.

"Are you mad at me or are you mad at your boyfriend? What did he do for you today? It's near the end of the day."

She let him go and took a few steps back.

"Deep inside, you're attracted to me," he pulled her by the waist and pulled her close to him. There was no space between them except for their clothes. "You're stubborn and a hard head but I know how you feel about me."

He releases her then and laid on his bed. She stood there, staring at him quietly.

"Do you honestly expect me to fall for you after all the times you assaulted me?" she asked then.

"We're merely fooling around," he said as he crossed his arms behind his head. "I know you're unhappy," he mumbled, his eyes locked onto hers. She doesn't look scared of him as she once did. "Leave him Rey. Leave before he breaks your heart. Leave him for me."

Her eyes flickered. She looks so terrified of him. So small and vulnerable. On the verge of crying. He had struck a nerve. He wanted to snatch her up and make her his. "He's never going to change," Kylo whispered. "Never. But I can. I will change for you in a heartbeat."

* * *

She leaves after that. Or rather ran away. Kylo lets her without putting up a fight. It was more painful that he didn't. She knew he was really hurt. It doesn't make anything better. She cried during the drive home for reasons she doesn't know. Rey comes home but finds nothing waiting for her. The second she changes into her home clothes, her phone rings. She immediately picked it up - Poe. "Hello?" she asked.

"Are you asleep?"

"No. I just got home."

"Sorry I didn't call earlier," he says quickly. He can sense the sadness in her voice, her disappointment.

"It's alright." She lays down in her bed and lets out a yawn. "Happy Valentine's Day."

"Happy Valentine's Day. I'll be there in a few days babe. We'll go out to eat and go dancing and see the stars. I love you so much."

"I love you too," she said slowly. She swallowed hard, trying to convince herself to be pleased and thrilled. Poe's promises of a perfect date sounded grand and spectacular but she felt nothing from it. It felt so artificial, so staged. What more did she want? Her eyes caught interest in the roses that Kylo had got for her.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything's alright." She picked at one of roses and smelled it. She sat up in her bed and hugged her legs with the rose still in her hand. Poe's talking about his day then but she could barely listen. All her focus was on the rose and how significant this little gesture was. Kylo must have begged Skywalker to get them for her. Not just a dozen but the biggest bouquet of the reddest roses. Everything about it was so sweet. It made her sad that the police station ripped apart her giant teddy bear. She understood why though. They wanted to make sure there wasn't any cameras or recording devices. She wished the bear was in tact so she could hug and cry with it. She feels so alone even though Poe was just on the other line.

"Did you get the package I sent you?" His question pulls her back to him.

"What package?"

"A small package. It's a size of a shoe box."

She blinked. "No."

He cursed underneath his breath. "Damn post office."

Rey laughed. She didn't laugh because she found the situation funny, she laughed because she was relieved. Relieved that he still cared. "It's okay." It was. It was okay because to know that he sent something to her made her feel better. "I'll get it soon anyways."

"Yeah but I wanted you to get it today."

"It's just any ordinary day," she reassured.

"I have to go - but I love you babe."

Rey curled her hand tighter around the rose. Something in her gut tells her that Poe thought of her last minute and that the gift was sent out today instead of in advance. Kylo didn't have the luxury of freedom and he must have begged for days, maybe even weeks for roses to be sent to her. "I love you too," she says automatically. The words were hallow.

* * *

While she was asleep, Kylo was in the hideout repairing weapons and sorting out money.

"How was your day, lover boy?" Hux asked. They were taking a moment to breathe right now before they went out to run all over town.

Kylo grumbled.

"She's not falling for you?" he laughs. Hux quieted down when he notices Kylo's shoulders tense. Kylo was not in the mood to be taunted and Hux was smart. Hux shifts his mood.

"She makes everything so difficult."

"What did you do today?"

"Does it matter?" he barked. Rey ran away from him after he poured his emotions out for her. She didn't even thank him for the roses. He thought she would at least. "Did you get anything about Poe Dameron yet?"

Hux smiled crookedly. He pulled several captured photos from his folder and spilled it carelessly on the table. "This guy has more of double life than you." There's photos of Poe Dameron with different women - some photos he's kissing them and others he was caught in compromising positions.

"Good. Took you long enough with investigating." Kylo pulled out a box. The box was the size of a shoe box. He opened it and carelessly dumped out the things that were inside. All of the things were meaningless either way - trinkets and knick knack crap that Rey wouldn't like. Kylo stuffed the bottom of the box with the photos and then stacked the items on top.

"I'll personally deliver the package to her," Hux said as he resealed the box.

* * *

Kylo patiently waits for the next session but until then (until a few days) Hux helps Kylo fill in the blanks.

"How was it?" he asked.

Hux smirked to himself. He looked proud of what he had done. "You should have seen the look on her boyfriend's face." Hux laughed. "He was horrified when she got to the bottom of the package. She screamed and threw things at him - she's little but she has strong lungs that girl of yours. She screamed for hours before she kicked him out."

"You should have recorded it," Kylo grinned. Having her boyfriend live was much more satisfying than having him dead. Kylo wants him to live with the regret of losing Rey. "She's feisty," he said fondly. But the feeling of flight vanishes all to quickly. "Is he gone?" he held his breath. He feels that this wasn't the first time her boyfriend had been unfaithful and Rey was aware of this. He hopes Rey doesn't take that low life back. She deserved so much better. Kylo would never ever cheat on her.

"Dameron?"

"Yeah," he said slowly. "Is he permanently out of the picture?"

"I would assume so," Hux assured him. Kylo was in love with this girl to a point that's crazier than he's ever been. "It's hard to jump back with all the shit he had been keeping from her. If she did take him back, then she's crazier than you."

* * *

When the next session day comes around, she wasn't there.

This startles him. This was out of the ordinary and he hadn't done anything recently to deserve this either.

He asks for her, looks for her. She should have been here an hour ago. "Is Officer Rey coming?" he asks one of the guards. He purposely pressed the emergency button as well just to get them. He knows how much the guards and nurses hate that but he still does it. It was confining to trapped in a room. He needed knowledge of the outside world.

"She got into an accident earlier today," someone said. To his surprise, it isn't one of the guards that answers. It's one of the officers that he used to know, Officer Phil.

He bit his lip. "What?" he asks. He finds this hard to believe.

"She and Officer Trin were chasing after a robber and they got into a car accident. Minor injuries though. She's in the hospital right now."

"That man can't do high speed chases to save his life," Kylo mumbled. He remembers how many times Trin scratched up the police cars when doing sharp turns. Nearly gave him a concussion several times too.

"I'm covering the session today -

"It's alright," Kylo said dejectedly. "I rather - I rather be left alone today."

* * *

In the middle of the night, he goes to the hospital to see her. He's dressed in scrubs to blend in. To his dismay, she's there, attached to wires. There's scratches on her face and arms along with heavy bruises and deep cuts. She's sleeping, he gathered. Heavily medicated. She looks like she's in pain. Both physical and emotional. He sat on her bed and stroked one of many cuts on her cheek. He sighed and laid right beside her. He was careful with her, careful not to disturb her. He placed his head on her chest and closed his eyes to listen to her heartbeat.

It's steady.

He lays like this with her for an hour. Once the hour hits, he acts quickly. He knows that soon a nurse will check up on her and so he leaves her room quickly and hides. Once the nurse was done and gone, he comes back to her room.

But instead of laying back down he stood there, staring at her intently.

He wants her. He doesn't want to keep playing this game. And so, he decides to wake up. He wakes her up gently, with a hand over her mouth. Her eyes shot up out of fear but he keeps his hand firmly there. "Shh," he place his finger over his lips as well.

"Kylo?" Rey whispered in confusion. Her eyes were adjusting to the light, she was staring at the wall instead of the figure before her. She looked at him with a mixed expression, uncertain if she was dreaming or that the medication was playing tricks with her.

He nodded. "Yes."

"What are you doing here?" she sounded calm but her speech was slurred.

Kylo frowned. She wasn't fully there. The medicine was affecting her. She's not going to remember this at all. He's not sure if he should be happy about this. He tucks a lock of her hair away from her face. "I just had to see you."

"You're not supposed to be here, " she said slowly.

"I just had to visit my favorite girl," he says this very softly.

"You broke out to see me?"

"You sound surprised."

"This isn't the first time you broke out is it?"

He chuckles in pride. "No."

"Then why do you stay in the asylum?"

"I stay there for you. But I'm tired of playing games Harley. Aren't you?"

"What did you call me?"

"Harley. You're my little Harley."

"I heard that word in a dream before."

Kylo nodded. "You should stop taking sleeping pills. It leaves you defenseless in the night."

Her eyes widened slightly but the medication keeps her in a sedated state. "I take it to sleep though."

"Those aren't good for you. It'll affect your health in the long run the way you take them. It doesn't exactly keep you alert either." Kylo pursed his lips. "Aren't you tired of playing games?"

"No - wait you visit me?" she's stunned. But not at all taken back.

"Yeah," he whispered, his lips curving into a loving smile. "I do, every night. You have no idea how much it hurts to see you crying all alone." He swallowed the lump in his throat and thought hard. She wasn't fully here but he knew she was speaking the truth - speaking things that she would never say. "Do you like me?"

"Yeah."

He froze. He imagined her saying this so many times but he never expected her to say it. She says it so naturally, instinctively almost.

"But I know it's not right."

"Why is that?"

"You've done so many things."

"I have," he nods. He accepts his actions for what they were.

"I didn't want to like you but I've gotten to know you. Who you were and who you are now."

Kylo's eyes lowered. If only she was there earlier to save him. Ben would have been happy. "What do you like about me? Kylo?"

"There's no difference," she shook her head. Her speech is even. Almost as if she was mentally here. "There isn't."

Kylo shakes his head. "There is," he swallowed hard. He feels like there's a cancer in his throat and the only thing he could do was to break.

"Ben," she whispered.

He responds to the name quickly. He turns his head so fast, alert as ever. Kylo froze. He never thought he would have respond to the dead name ever again. She has this hold on him that no one has ever had on him. She makes him want to be the person he used to be. He spent so many years hating the enigma he once was and yet she makes him want to be Ben again.

"You're still here," she blinked. There were tears in her eyes and they were being pushed down to her cheeks. "You're still here."

"I wish that I met you earlier, years earlier. You could have saved me."

She reaches for his hand. He lets her, he's shaking. It doesn't feel real. Her tiny hand is smooth against his calloused fingers. She barely covers his hand and yet it felt as if she was holding him and the weight of the world. "I still can."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact, Officer Trin was created because I wanted someone who was older with experience that can be a mentor/older brother for Rey. Finn is 26 in this fic but he doesn't have much a presence since Finn wasn't around as much during Ben's life as Ben Solo. Ben is around 34/35 and Trin is 40. Trin and Ben were good friends and Trin even was an older brother figure for Ben too.  
> more to be developed between the dynamic Trin has with both characters.

**Author's Note:**

> so who's read this fic before?  
> let me know if you guys are all for seeing the changes to this fic!


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